June 2nd, 2017 – 12:00am PST:

When I have an allergic reaction it’s pretty terrible looking. When I was a kid I brushed up against poison ivy for the first time, and it didn’t seem like a big deal. That night, I woke up and the entire left side of my face felt bulbous and oddly tender. Not knowing what else to do, I walked to my parent’s room and waited patiently after knocking. Before long my Dad opened the door and groggily asked what the problem was. I remember saying: “My face feels weird”. Resigned to the fact that he wouldn’t be going back to bed very soon, he flicked the light on and turned back to me. There are very few people I’d describe as “unflappable”, but my Dad is one of them. Seeing the look of horror and surprise on his face told me all I needed to know: that shit was seriously fucked. During the night my entire left eye had swollen shut, and my face was red, puffy and irritated looking. I looked like the Elephant Man’s estranged son for a full week before the swelling went down.