April 7th, 2017 – 12:41am PST:

Back in November, I was standing in a Dunkin Donuts with my younger brother, who’d generously offered to cover breakfast. Before long it was our turn to order. The only thing better than donuts… are FREE donuts. I was seized by the sudden impulse to simply continue ordering donuts until he stopped me. I’m not sure how MANY donuts it would take to reach that point, but I know exactly how it would play out. He’d set one hand on my shoulder and say “Alright, Jonathan… I think we’re good on donuts now, don’t you?” At which point I would turn and say: “No, Brian, I don’t. It’s impossible to have too many donuts. As your older brother, there’s clearly much that I have left to teach you. Plus, you DID offer to pay, so stfu and back your car up to the front door.”